Are You Unknowingly Poisoning Yourself?

THE MOST POWERFUL POISON KNOWN TO MAN IS…

Recently, I attended a retirement for the father of one of my friends who worked diligently for 42 years in the same organization. All of his family and friends were present celebrating this monumental event. No shortcuts were taken in the preparation because he deserved it.

I saw him slowly begin to fade away into the background during the party and watched intently as he made his way outside to get away from everyone. The lines on his beaten face had disappeared as he was no longer forcing a smile to mask his underlying frustration. He was a bit startled when he noticed me and immediately put on the rehearsed smile and told me everything was ok, he just needed some air. I nodded reluctantly and began to walk away.

Unconvinced, I stopped, turned around and asked him a question…

Are you happy?

Before his logical response could process, his emotions took over and tears began to stream down his face. Unmasked, he revealed to a stranger the origin of his sadness. He told me that his first wife died of a rare disease. One day she was here and like that, she was gone.

He told me the story of his endless pursuit of her love. He tried everything to woo her, gifts, extravagant acts of affection, performing odd jobs for her but nothing seemed to work. With a smile on his face he said, ‘It wasn’t until I wrote for her…’

‘She loved my poems about her, my short stories, even my haiku’s. I was truly me, when I wrote. Nothing brought me greater joy.’ He told me that she tried to convince him to quit his job and write. Every time she implored him to take a leap he said ‘maybe next year, it’s not the right time’. ‘Once we save enough to cover our expenses, I’ll do it.

IT’S NOT THE RIGHT TIME. IT’S NOT THE RIGHT TIME….IT’S NOT THE RIGHT TIME… IT’S NOT THE RIGHT TIME… he repeated over and over again. I just listened with sympathy. Then he turned to me and looked me directly in my eyes and said…

‘The most potent poison in this world is regret. I understand now that it’s never the right time, matter of fact, the right time doesn’t exist. There will always be something, there will always be obstacles; I didn’t realize that the adversity is there to make the journey worth it. Young man, don’t become me; 78 years old and I will soon leave this earth full, holding on to the purpose of my existence never to be released to those meant to be served by it . Everyday I consumed the poison of ‘not right now’ and now I feel it’s full effect. I will die from it’s effect never fully realizing my purpose.’

After our exchange he put his ‘mask’ back on with the rehearsed smile and went back into the celebration. I remained outside near tears thinking about the endeavors I am putting on the back burner because of some well planned lie (also known as excuses). 

I saw my future in him.

I was consuming the same poison.

I heard all the same excuses being muttered in my voice when I no longer am able to muster energy to accomplish those things.

I felt the dread of the certainty of my own mortality in light of my cowardice and fear filled existence.  I could literally feel the poison running through my veins slowly choking the life out of my dream.

I saw the pained faces of those who weren’t served because of my fear. They would never get the vital piece of the puzzle they needed from me to get closer to the person they were meant to be.

I looked at my un-calloused and smooth hands that had not worked because it was too hard.

An unbroken alabaster box.

From that moment I resolved within myself that I would no longer be hindered by the inevitable mistakes and failures as I progress.  I understood that the mistakes and failures were a necessary part of the journey.  I understood that the only antidote to the poison was ACTION!

Most of all, I resolved that I would no longer be hindered by the opinions and negativity of onlookers who don’t understand my destiny.  I had allowed myself to become paralyzed by drinking from the poisoned reservoir of doubt instead of drawing from the infinite well of purpose, joy and love that brings life.

We must resolve to leave this life empty, giving everything I have within me leaving nothing unsaid, nothing undone and with no regrets.

What excuses are you making that’s stopping you from moving forward on your goals? Who are the people counting on you to become the best version of yourself?