Leadership is Love. Part 1: Patience

How Sunday School and Soccer taught me all I would ever need to know about leadership.

Love is patient,
Love is kind and is not jealous;
Love does not brag and is not arrogant,
Love does not act unbecomingly;
Love does not seek its own,
Love is not provoked…

I was so excited.

Every Sunday morning we would get dressed up and go to church. I had the privilege of going to a place I called ‘special church‘ only for us kids. It was called Sunday school. We would talk about all the miraculous stories in the Bible. Our teacher was amazing because she made the stories come to life when she told them. I don’t remember all of the stories but what stood out the most to me was the way she started the class.  She would have us stand up and in unison we would recite; Love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous, love does not brag and is not arrogant…

Love is patient…

Fast forward 8 years and I’m on the bus on the way to our city championship soccer match sitting next to my coach. I looked over and he was just smiling as if we had already won the match. I asked him how he could be so happy and we haven’t even won yet. He looked at me and told me, “We have already won. We were 0-13 last year. Coming back home on the bus to chants of WE REFUSE TO WIN, WE REFUSE TO WIN. Now we have the opportunity to play for the championship.” I hadn’t thought about it like that. It was pretty amazing that we were in this position. I asked him how he thought we were able to get here. He said “Love” I nodded “oh, ok” and put my headphones back on.

Love believes all things…

:45 seconds left, we’re down 2-1 and I’m in a perfect position to score and tie the game. My wing passes it to me and I shoot….over the top post. We lose the championship game and I am devastated. I was our top scorer and I let everyone down. After the game my coach, still with that same smile, told us no matter the outcome he loved and believed in us and that this adversity will serve us for life. It was the first time I experienced leadership in that capacity. I was used to my coaches ‘going off’ about how much we didn’t want it, how disappointed they were with our effort. My entire athletic life was shaped via negative reinforcement and Coach Barris’ approach was a breath of fresh air. He loved us until the best version of ourselves appeared. There was no pressure, no stress, he met us where we were and saw the best in us at all times. Consequently, we won the title the next year.

Love endures all things…

His message really altered my perspective but it wasn’t until I was in a position of leadership that I fully understood how those two scenarios were connected. The parallel between love and leadership is undeniable.  In those verses you could easily replace love with leadership.

Leadership is Love. Love is Leadership.

Leadership is patient.  Day in and day out we are challenged to maintain our composure in the midst of problems and issues.  One of our major challenges is the proper equipping and training of our teams.  The learning process is wrought with failures.  As our teams traverse the learning curve, our response to their inevitable mistakes and errors will be pivotal in their overall progression.  Early in my journey as a leader I would routinely employ a response grounded in ridicule and criticism.  In my mind, I was holding them accountable and keeping the standard.  What I was really being was an a**hole who wasn’t fostering an environment of continuous learning.  Our teams will never get better if we aren’t comfortable with their failures. 

One of my virtual mentors is Charlie Munger.  He is an advisor and best friend to one of the greatest investors of all time, Warren Buffett.  Warren Buffett says that ‘I’ve lived a better life because of Charlie.’ Charlie employs a philosophy of thinking that is based on the employment of mental models.  One of the primary mental models he utilizes is Hanlon’s Razor: “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by lack of knowledge.”  Instead of assuming that an error or mistake is solely attributed to the individual, as the leader I immediately assume that my expectations or the subsequent equipping weren’t clearly communicated and the fault lies with me.

As leaders, we must take ownership of mistakes or problems so that we may grow collaboratively.  There is no pointing of fingers, just a reaching out of a helping hand. Assuming a posture of patience as the leader allows the team to feel safe to fail; meanwhile fostering an environment where the team feels free to take risks and innovate.  Patience in leadership creates astronomical growth, free flowing innovation, unmatched efficiency and creates a culture that values each person for their uniqueness. The voices of my coach and teacher continue to resonate….. love is… leadership is love.